Why I started drinking at 2 in the afternoon

I woke at 4 this morning to prep for my big-ass lecture.

The reason I had to do so was that I spent yesterday evening with one of the most pointless, narcissistic people I’ve ever met, who kept posting pictures of our dinner to Facebook all evening via iPhone. Yes, the iPhone is new. How did you know?

The other reason is that I’ve been grading stuff all week, and had fallen behind in my class prep.

I had to walk the long way to the office, because there was an incident involving a paddy wagon, and Barney Fife said so.

In my morning class, I accidentally did Monday’s lesson plan. So I have no lesson for Monday in that class.

That big-ass lecture I woke at 4 to prep? It kept getting interrupted by students who weren’t paying attention. See, they knew I would be returning exams at the end of the session, so what did they care about the course material? Even the usually conscientious students up front were indiscreetly looking at the clock, with nary a sheet of paper or writing implement in sight.  I’m not posting my slides to Blackboard.

(On Monday I am repeating the lecture. There will be a quiz afterward.)

Oh, and those exams for which they were jonesing so rudely? They depressed me. The average grade was short of 70/100, though that includes ten students who couldn’t be arsed to turn in an exam. At 74, the median wasn’t all that much better. When that sort of thing happens, you wonder what you’re doing wrong.

Two students turned in the same exam, and I brought them up on Honor charges, as per my university’s policy. Because I like to be up front about things, I told the alleged cheaters what I was alleging. Their (feigned?) shock actually rattled me.

It rained.

I forgot my umbrella this morning.

Then I lent my spare to a colleague.

It continued to rain.

When I returned to my office, I read an email from a student, reading:

I know it is your policy not to discuss exams by email, but I am VERY UNHAPPY with my grade. I will definitely be at your office hours on Monday. See you then.

No salutation or signature: nice. This is why my syllabi stipulate a 72-hour cooling off period before discussing grades.

Nevertheless, I replied:

Dear Student,

I, too, am unhappy with your grade. Let’s discuss what can be done to improve it. See you Monday.

Have a good weekend.

Professor Lucky Jane

(Why is it always women students who compel me thus to be passive-aggressively nice?)

That class sucked, despite my frantic efforts grading and prepping. And now I have all weekend to think about it.

* * *

Oh, and here’s what I drank:

Martha Stewart’s Hot Cocoa with Almond Milk

• 4 cups unsweetened almond milk
• 2 cinnamon sticks, split lengthwise (I also added cardamom pods, too)
• 1/4 cup unsweetened natural cocoa powder
• 2 ounces dark chocolate (preferably at least 70 percent cacao), finely chopped (all I had was Ghirardelli: don’t judge, chocolate snobs)
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon coarse salt

1. Bring milk and cinnamon sticks to a boil over medium heat. Reduce heat, and simmer gently for 10 minutes. Remove cinnamon sticks, rinse, and reserve.
2. Whisk in cocoa, chocolate, sugar, and salt, whisking vigorously until mixture is foamy, 1 to 2 minutes. Divide among mugs. Garnish with cinnamon sticks.

About these ads