I’ve been feeling so crappy lately that, at this very moment, I’m missing my department’s Big Event of the season. Wouldn’t want to sneeze on the dignitaries’ cheese cubes and chardonnay, which are nothing to sneeze at in this economy. As much as part of me must acknowledge how being magnificently sick has been a [...]
Archive for the ‘shameful vanity’ Category
9 Mar
Somebody!
Why yes, c’est moi! As I was searching Amazon for a title that shares part of my name, the search box suggested me—my name! Therefore, according to some extremely wise algorithm, I’m somebody!
Before I get all excited, I recall that my name was the third choice. The two suggestions that preceded it pertained to a [...]
11 Feb
Worst stalker ever
Yep. That would me. But relax: by “worst” I mean “incompetent,” not “your restraining order amuses me.”
At the moment, it’s just after 3 AM, and I’m in the unenviable position of stalking myself. More specifically, I’m putting together my mid-tenure review file, which necessitates that I track down what everyone—anyone—has said about me or my [...]
31 Jan
Achilles’s Louboutins
Yesterday wasn’t a teaching day, but I did have to go to campus for a morning meeting. As usual, I awoke 10-15 minutes before 5 and flipped on NPR’s Morning Edition. Yes, in that order. No, I don’t need an alarm. Don’t hate me.
Then I ground some beans, put on my coffee, and jumped into [...]
26 Jan
What Sarah Palin taught me about teaching
As former readers of the Huffington Post know too well, the recent candidate for Vice President won’t go away. Either uncloseted liberals are obsessed with her, or they want to keep the spotlight on her so that her zany opinions will prevent her from being a contender for much of anything in ‘12. I never [...]
14 Jul
Bloodsuckers!
Home again, home again, with, oh, thirty souvenirs from Interesting City: thirty mosquito bites, more or less evenly distributed, on my legs. But one standout stands out from the rest, ruining my uniformly poxy pattern of calamine patches. Yeah, calamine. I’m old school. On my right calf, one welt is so engorged that my leg [...]
4 Apr
Meet the parents!
But chances are, you’ll never do so if you know me in any professional capacity. Indeed, I can probably count on one hand the number of people I’ve introduced them to in the past ten years. I talk to them a couple of times a month, and visit them every year. My chief reason for [...]
1 Mar
Looks like I’ve won
. . . a passport makeover!
But this makeover has a more successful ending than all three episodes I’ve seen of Later Today, whose programming seems as dedicated to “Ambush Makeovers” of people who don’t need really them as Maury Povich’s is to paternity tests for those who do. Don’t ask me how I know about [...]
15 Dec
A tear jerker
Whenever I do laundry, this threadbare sweatshirt is always in there somewhere, and it is usually the first item out. Unless I need to be presentable, I throw it on while it’s still warm from the dryer. I know I’m hardly being original in having a favorite sweatshirt. While we’re on the subject of unoriginality, [...]
10 Nov
Big, BIG plans
Not being on the market, and having just dodged the bullet of being on my department’s interview committee at this year’s MLA, I’ve made an important decision: I am going to have my hair cut. It’s so official that I’ve even made an appointment with the swankiest stylist in town, which I guess isn’t saying [...]
